I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
We are two peas in an std pod
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
