You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
