Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
