U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
