Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
if only i could text you this smell
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
