is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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