Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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