Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Are my feet made of real feet?
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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