I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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