so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
