i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Still dying that you shit outside
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
