is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
