i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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