I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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