No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
The ass gains better be worth it
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