dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
