Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
