You made me cry and you don't even care
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
