Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
