I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
