Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
