I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I checked into jail on foursquare
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Randomize
