i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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