I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
