her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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