i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
