I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Randomize
