Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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