you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
