after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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