I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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