I heard we made out
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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