just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
