Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
