i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I think pants incapable of making pants work
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
