Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
