Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
