He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
