Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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