it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
