My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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