I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
