I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
