I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
