I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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