he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
