I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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