I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
