On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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