I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
it glows. i had to have it.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
