I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
