white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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