hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Randomize
