i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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